tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7443231471046889189.post917245736103937604..comments2023-10-24T00:43:04.683-07:00Comments on A Month of Sundays: Internal or External?the illiteratehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04258215092019938575noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7443231471046889189.post-35230551086015343302007-10-11T01:35:00.000-07:002007-10-11T01:35:00.000-07:00It's impossible for one person to correctly prescr...It's impossible for one person to correctly prescribe what another should do, especially when the advise is based on one's own experiences. Sometimes it flies, sometimes it blows up, sometimes it falls flat when a person tries to get back in touch with their past. I've had all the above because I've spent some time in the last couple years pushing buttons and trying to find my past.<BR/><BR/>You've likely read in my blogs and possibly heard through email about the girlfriend I had in 1984-1985 that I became reacquainted with this last March -- and walked away from in August. The summation is that the reason why I wanted to get back in touch with her for 20 years was because the separation left a lot of questions unanswered. As adults, she gave those answers and I understood them. And that's how I discovered I never really knew her in the first place... most of what I thought of her was incorrect. <BR/><BR/>I mourned being wrong for half my life for a day or three, then turned it onto its silver lining and realized that I had found what I had been looking for. <I>Closure.</I> Now I knew who she was then and is now. I found out what moved her when neither of us could have used words we could comprehend at the time. And those were the stated goals. I'm free now.<BR/><BR/>There was someone else I had done a similar dance about, who wasn't a girlfriend but in my estimation should have been, that I wanted to know what was on her mind during one pivotal moment where I took one fork in the road and she was on the other. I finally tracked her down, called her house a couple times and left messages just asking for contact, and got one email asking what my question was. I wrote it and said that I knew that the answer doesn't change anything about who we are now, but for my own sake I'd like to know whether I was right or wrong in what I perceived that Friday night in July 1983. <I>She didn't reply.</I> And I learned that it was my asking her the question, not its answer, that my mind really needed. Some say it was intrusive and selfish of me to inflict the question... but it was what I had needed to do to let go of the matter once and for all.<BR/><BR/>Be true to yourself, only you know what drives you to want to regain contact with these people, and if you find that you should do it rather than merely want to... make it so, it could save you from occasionally losing sleep thinking of these folks for decades to come.The Mushroomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13466433750698090728noreply@blogger.com