Imagine if you will, it's the year 1994
(images chosen from google image results for "1994" and "grunge 1994")
A younger me is experiencing, against all likelihood, having a girlfriend. We spent considerable time engaged in forays through the first three bases, mostly at her home. I occasionally would have chances to speak to her mother, who seemed to tolerate my presence in a matronly way.
Her father, somewhat shorter than my 16-year-old self, seemed to avoid being anywhere near me. I never had the opportunity to develop any impressions of the man, let alone anything resembling an acquaintance.
Fast forward to a few years later, as the song goes. This former girlfriend of mine comes into my orbit once again (and I into hers).. we spend several months together, at times thinking of becoming very serious about where we were going. For reasons I shall not discuss, things ended.
We came together, came apart, some unkind things were said and done. I was going crazy when we were together, going crazy when we were apart. I finally decided to lose contact with her. Let her know that she didn't need to keep contact with me for my own sake (sometimes i wonder if this hurt her feelings), and went about exorcising her from my contact lists, deleting emails which could make it possible for me to track her back down again.
Fast forward to a few more years later, or something to that effect. I am married to another gal, have a three year old son. I get an email from the old girlfriend's father.
subject "is this still a current address"
this is from [name withheld]'s dad
WHAT THE HELL?
I confirmed that it was, and have been checking my email at 20 minute intervals to see if he will respond with some sort of explanation as to why he should need contact with me.
Today I obsessively searched for information on the man. By his name, by his email address. Not much to go on. Three years ago he is listed as a cemetery salesman in Louisiana. Today google has an address for someone by his name in that state. Creepifyingly, I can look at satellite images of his home. I already compulsively searched for her online a few months ago, when struck by a whim. You see, I do everything compulsively unless it's a good idea.
Really, I can see only a few possible reasons for him to be contacting me. I won't even attempt to assign an order of most to least distressing, but none of them are really happy.
1) She's suffering from some sort of physical or emotional malaise, and wishes that I make contact. (You see, if she were happy and wanted to contact me, she could do so herself.)
2) She has let slip her mortal coil, and my email address was found written down in some sort of journal or found in her email address. (Or worse yet, i'm on an apology list in a suicide note. I would have trouble absolving myself completely of guilt if this were the case. I'd still be narcissistic enough to make it about me, and not the person who died.)
3) She is missing, and he is desperately attempting to contact any of her known friends in hope that someone might be able to help find him.
4) (Suggested by my wife) This might have something to do with her daughter. You see, the last time i heard from her, I learned she had a child, who she assured me could not possibly be mine. The possibility exists that she was shading the truth or her math was bad, and she is now putting my name forward as the father. (If this was just about confession, she could contact me herself. Otherwise it's legal action, or #4 is combined with #1 or #2).
Excuse me while I go check my email again.
Right. The man has a few more days to email me again, or I start making phone calls.
 Not that many calls, really. Dude emailed me from Louisiana. He's the only one of his first and last name listed in the state.
[update] Update, I got an answer.. I'm afraid I can't discuss it at this time. Apparently she's alive and well. [/update]
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